Venting out…not having a baby yet

It’s the 9th day of July and 9 days more to go before my menstruation. It is frustrating every time that I’m going to have a monthly period… It kills me… I always tell myself that I’m not going to expect or I will just hope and not expect. Call me overacting or too excited, but I tried hard…really really hard to cope up with this loneliness.

Sometimes I even question God why this loneliness happens to me, why my husband and I still don’t have a baby. ohhhh….I don’t really know what to do. People suggested a lot of things, put a pillow at your back when you do the “session”, don’t stress yourself, don’t sensationalize the situation, try going to St. Padre Pio and have a novena, try to have a relaxing time… I tried those…but it’s nothing…I still ended up crying…

Argue with me if you want to but this is what I feel. My husband really wants to have a baby now and I want to have a baby too 😦 I’m so sad. God… grant us our bundle of joy…may he grow up with fear in YOU. Gender doesn’t matter to me as long as my baby is healthy. This I pray… Amen.

I just got married last February and still not yet pregnant, I went to an OB-GYN to consult and maybe find a solution. I’m so scared that I might not bear a child, every 16th -18th of month is always like an academic exam to me, it’s nerve wrecking. I took pain killers for almost a year in 2011 until early this year because of too much pain caused by muscle strain and now omeprazole because of my GERD which I think I developed because of the pain killers I took. I’m depressed every month. I don’t know what to do…what to feel… especially when I hear a good news from one of my friends that she is already pregnant… It hurts…sometimes I feel hopeless. My OB-GYN told me that I’m ovulating and there’s nothing to worry about…I’m cleared…but… We have to wait til one year before we could consult an infertility doctor. I’m so much depress…Sorry for the long read, I just want to vent out my feelings. Please bear with me or pray for us. We really want to have a baby soon.

-bambhie retardo-


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